Siblings

I hope my kids are always this close. That they grow to appreciate how siblings can be great friends and supporters of one another. That a sibling as friend means you will never be lonely, but always have someone you can reliably lean on.

One of the foundations of my life are my brother and sisters (1 brother and 4 sisters). We don't always agree. We are all imperfect. We've had periods where we grew apart. Growing up we fought at times. We've been angry or irritated by one another on more than one occasion. But we are woven together with the strongest thread and that means more to me than all the cappucino at Starbucks (and that, given my obscene coffee dependence, is saying alot). Our closeness didn't happen by accident but was nurtured along (despite the screaming catfights of adolescent girlhood) by our parents. I belive that this closeness is all about connection and a collective heart and that it we learn it by example... It isn't about perfect parenting or being perfect people. Instead, it's about openness and the willingness to stay present with one another, even as the ship is sinking and all the lifeboats are full of holes.

Maybe my kids will know this, too.

The Fischers
wherever we are

To Blog or Not to Blog...That is the Adventure!

So, I've been thinking about the blog lately. Wondering if I should officially declare it dead. Here it sits, on it's own little piece of internet real estate. Looking a little neglected and shabby...

Honestly, though, I love this blog. I loved writing about our move to India and our life there and I love that all of that is captured for us. Not just a private journal, but a public celebration of our family.

When I first fired my "pen" up in the blogosphere (wow, there's a word that emphatically did NOT exist when I was...say, 10 (not to mention, 25!) ) I wasn't all that convinced that blogs were such a good thing. Kind of self-serving. Sort of obnoxious. But I figured that since we were moving to India...I might have some interesting things to say that I wouldn't here. And it was a great way to keep people who loved us up to date with our adjustment to life in a foreign culture. All of that proved true. I wasn't thinking of it as writing practice but that turned out to be the case as well... It helped my writing to get it off of the hidden or absent page and set free on the internet. I've been a writer pretty much since I could hold a pencil because that is the way I quantify the world... I wrote daily for years and years. Journaling. Poetry. Fiction. Loads of it crap, but my version of it, at least. And then I had kids.

I have always wanted to be one of those people that claim a swell of creative impulse birthed forth along with said babies. Except I can't. A large part of that is probably because my births were unexpectedly traumatic, for me. And I was deeply sad, and deeply angry that this was so. Denying the existence of those emotions was an occupying force in my life for a time and denial is a sure fire way to repress your creative impulse in a very direct way. Good writing is truthful writing and writing truthfully wasn't an option for me, at that time. Channeling that denial into healing happened over time and it changed the trajectory of my life but it also got me out of the writing habit.

Additionally, what creativity I did have was poured into my children and my parenting. I did not feel inspired to write on little sleep and more coffee! Add birth advocacy, starting midwifery school and working a part-time job into the mix...and in my case, you have a writer who doesn't write.

Moving to and living in India rekindled my creativity in a big way. Growing kids with new needs rekindled my creativity. Jumping into Homeschooling rekindled my creativity. And blogging about all of that put the pen back in my hand. At the same time, I started to actually read Blogs and found a pleasureable fascination in reading them. I discovered that while they could certainly be self-involved they were also often intelligent, honest, compelling and funny (a guideline I often use in reading books, as well). And as a parent, it felt a bit like having the chance to peer into the real lives of other parents...a truthful conversation about parenting and living that didn't always happen "IRL".

Upon moving back from India, life got hard. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and eventually died on October 18th, 2009. I needed to focus on my family and our transition and I needed to do so privately. So, I let the blog go and it was the right thing for me to do. I also struggled with where to take it...we were back. What was there to write about? No more exotic travels. No more dissing of dysentery. Just us. In the places we were raised. No Adventure.

I've changed my mind about that, too. What I have here is my own little corner of the internet. I can spout off into the ether and it may reach no one. I can write badly or very well and it doesn't really matter. Somehow, I feel less compelled to perfection here. I do it because I like to. Because our lives may reflect someone else's experience or Not. Because I'm redefining my understanding of Adventure...

I was delighted to read this the other day in Yoga Journal, in an article written by Matt Walker, "Adventure isn't something that's reserved for the extreme athlete or the daredevil. It is an expression of of your heart's intention and passion for life. It's the ability to think big about who you are, how you live, and what you can do in the world, whether you're climbing mountains, practicing Sun Salutations, or listening to a friend. It is the willingness to embrace challenge and move toward success. it is the acknowledgment that total committment does not mean blind faith or brazen disregard, but confidence and belief in the face of challenge." I couldn't have said it better, myself.

The Fischers
Embracing the Adventure...
in Minneapolis, MN

Instant Rewind #2...

City Market, Bangalore, India...March 2009

Slices of our summer...

Owen has taken to the trees... Not long ago, I was relaxing on my blanket at the park while the kids played when I heard a familiar, yet oddly placed voice, "Hi, Mom!" Startled out of my mom alone reverie I looked around. "Up here, mama, I climbed the tree." And climb he did...so far up that his head stood out above the leaves and a bird circled his noble (and breakable) head. "Umm, Mama...I think, maybe...maybe it's gonna be harder to get down?" Why yes, my son, maybe it is! After a bit of discussion in which Owen learned that mama doesn't really climb trees (shocking, I know,) and my encouragement to make a plan before he moved, he successfully and quite sure footedly scaled his way back down. "Ya know mama, that was kinda like climbin' a mountain and I'm pretty great at that." Super. I think it is quite clear that this child does not have agoraphobic leanings. We did settle, however, on his asking mom if it is okay to climb before he does so...and I'm holding him to that until he's at least 35!

Somewhere, in the midst of this rather tumultuous summer, Grayce managed to turn 8. I've forbidden her to grow further. Up until this year, she planned on living with me forever... Now, she's planning on going off to college "and living with some cool, smart women." Luckily, her plans include a return to the family in which she and Owen envision living together in a house directly next to mom and dad...

Isn't she great! She wants to be a veterinarian. She is a lovely dancer. She's funny and she has a flare for drama. She is a flashlight-under-the-covers kind of voracious reader. And she totally does not let me get away with unfairness, subterfuge or bad mom behavior, including the ability to recall the things I say with frightening accuracy...

Birthday bouquets from Daddy... She was delighted to find out that Bob has not ever brought me TWO dozen roses!

Beautiful milkweed in the backyard...

Crispy Kale...from the garden. Kale, good olive oil, roast in hot oven till crispy...add sea salt. Even the kids love it.

"Pirates like MEAT, mama...Grrrr." Better even than crispy kale...Fourth of July feasting.

Peaceful boy and butterfly...a fine example of nature's gifts.

And a last photo: Kids camping...dirty, sweaty, sticky, awesomeness with friends.

The Fischers

in Minneapolis, MN

The Conscious Wander...

Wow, have I ever let this blog slide! At one point I had visions of posting our transition to life back in the U.S. but as it turns out, life was just a bit too complicated and the transition more awkward than even I, expected. I needed space to process. Heck, I needed space to manage normal social interaction, trips to the grocery store, and lecturing myself for not embracing the challenges of the return in the same way that I embraced our move to Bangalore. Oh...and for trying not to snarl at people, because, well...we do wish to have and maintain a certain amount of amiability! In the midst of all that, my Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. And I discovered I had a previously unknown half sister. Honestly, I began to feel as if we were right smack in the middle of some bizarre and badly written reality t.v series!

So I haven't blogged. And I have despaired. And whined. And felt sorry for myself...and all those other little self-involved but seemingly necessary things that human beings tend to sink into when life feels inside out and upside down.

And then I felt...just...bored with myself...and I knew it was probably time to dust off my sense of adventure and recall that the law of attraction works both ways.

So, we carry on. We took a break from homeschooling (had been planning to school through the summer), listened to a lot of Michael Franti (because his music tends to remind me that I need to get over myself and start a revolution some where...even if only in my own mind,) went back to yoga (grounding, plus there is an awesome studio three minutes from our house http://www.sighyoga.com/,) and generally tending to the small moments in our days, the needs of our family, the pull of chairs on the back deck and the ever impending realization that winter is coming and we will not be ready ;-)

My Dad still has terminal cancer and that has been a terrible thing...to see him so sick. Yet our family remains hopeful. My new half-sister, as it turns out, is really great and she has two really great boys, too...one of whom appears to be Owen's kindred cousin. We are all looking forward to an August family reunion with all my siblings and their significant others and the kid's cousins. My family is scattered across the U.S. so the last time we were all together was last year for my sister, Alicia's, wedding. It will be a chance for us to gather in support of my Dad and Mom and be together. We'll celebrate my sister Sasha and her new fiancee, Tom, and hold a baby shower for my sister, Mari. We're a loud and talkative bunch...each of us a piece of our unique family puzzle.

Next weekend, we're off to Brule, Wisconsin...for our annual week at a river cabin, with Bob's family. It's the first place that Grayce (our girly, girl) realized that getting dirty is a whole lot of fun and a peaceful place where we've created a lot of enduring happy memories with Bob's family.

The past week and into the next I've been spending time thinking about and planning our upcoming homeschooling year and planning for continuing my own midwifery and birth studies. The kids will be doing Kindergarten (Owen) and third grade (Grayce). A lot of people have assumed that we would put the kids in school now that we are not living in India. They assume that we homeschooled in India because we "had" to. In all actuality, we started homeschooling in India because we felt we could best serve *our* kids' education that way (and our desired travel schedule!) In doing so, we came to love it and appreciate the flexibility, fun and strengthened relationships that it's offered us. We are eclectic, relaxed homeschoolers...with a real unschooling bent. We do use varied curriculum, which is sometimes parent-prompted and try for a family rhythm (a la Waldorf) so we can't totally call ourselved unschoolers, but we take a LOT of child-led side trips along the way and very rarely adhere to straight curriculum. We are, like the title of this post, "conscious wanderers," in our homeschool, as well as in, (we hope) our lives.

Lastly, the kids and I spent a glorious week in New York City (and Long Island) with our terrific expat friends(the same friends we traveled to Oman with)...Laura Lee, Lucia and Henry! It was so much fun to see the kids together again and for Laura Lee and I to have the chance for a regular conversation rather than a skype call filled with kids showing each other their belly buttons...As the kids said, in reference to our friendship..."chat, chat, chat, coffee, coffee, coffee, chat, chat, chat, wine, wine, wine..." We explored the parks of Manhattan, went to the Met and Central Park, shopped at American Girl and FAO Schwarz, walked over the Brooklyn Bridge, went to a Whaling Museum and the Fire Island light house, met Laura Lee's parents and had the kids up till 11 pm almost every night...Blissful :-) They are off to Hong Kong on their next assignment and the kids are already "planning" their next trip!

Grayce and Lucia on the Brooklyn Bridge

Owen and Henry on the rooftop garden at the Metropolitan Museum of Art

Owen and Henry: Long Island Lobster Feast...

Hair Raising on the deck of the Fire Island Lighthouse!

At a Long Island Park...

Ahoy, Mateys! Pirate dress up at the Whaling Museum...Long Island.

Grayce in a tree...New York City park...near Battery City

Owen in a tree...Battery City Park, New York City.

Grayce, Hen and Lucia playing...Battery City Park...New York City

The foursome at the Met rooftop...after 5 hours exploring the museum.

Grayce and Lucia...birthday money or economic stimulus?

Brookly Heights pier...apres ice cream at 10 pm!

Best Friends walk over the Brooklyn Bridge...

Bryant Park playtime....New York City.

And that is where we are at. We still miss India and hope to return one day, but we are looking forward; trying to focus in on the now, while at the same time, continually re-imagining our future ;-) Who knows, where we'll end up next?!!

The Fischers

in South Minneapolis, MN, USA

Instant Rewind...

I found my favorite traveling sandals in a box. The sandals that have carried me across continents...across India and parts of southeast Asia. The sandals that were comfortable to hike in, wade in, swim in, stomp through dirt and filth and god-knows-what-is-in-this, muck, in. I carried them to the laundry room; sat them on the floor. When purchased, I was assured that they were washable...

But WHY?

I couldn't bring myself to do it...this washing away of foreign, familiar dirt...of MY India. Looking down I see the red dirt ground in...the spatter of pink and purple from this year's Holi festival among generous and loving friends, the hours spent sweating on a bus through Northern India. These shoes, my dearies, were most definitely made for walking...

To wash away all of this is unimagineable...

Soooooo....the next time you see me and you wonder why-on-earth-she-doesn't-spring-for-a new-pair-of-shoes...

Just remember...the whole story is in the soles of my feet, the rubber arch, the dust.

For those of you who know our Grayce...let's just say this is the lovely antithesis of her usual self...

Aswarthi...our host for the Holi festival...great people who we miss a whole lot! We could not have asked for a better homeschooling group, in any country...

The Story of Holi...come to our 1st Annual Holi party next spring and we'll clue you in.

Grayce and Owen got smart and wore swim goggles, this year :-) Mom forgot a change of clothes....

So...I thought it might be fun to post more of India. We have so many wonderful memories and SO many photos that never made it to the blog...

Enjoy.

The Fischers

for whom India was a life changing "moment" in time...

In Honor of Friendship...

A Last Sleep Over...in Bangalore. On the night of the Grown Up Going Away Party (the kids at our house, the adults at Laura Lee and Dave's!)

We miss you, "Brother H and Sister L" !!