Monday, December 10, 2007

"Cover" Blown!

It was reported, late last evening, December 9th, 2007, that Bob Fischer, of Bangalore, India (formerly of Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA) is the real Santa Claus.

"Bob" (aka Robert) has spent the past year and a half spinning an elaborate tale of international intrigue. Claiming to be an "employee" of Target Corporation sent on expatriate assignment in "India," the "man -we- all -know- as- Bob" has been, in truth, setting up a new base of Christmas Operations in Bangalore. Additional secret files reveal that Mrs. Claus is completely unaware of Santa "Bob's" second wife, Chandra Fischer and of his two young children, Grayce Lorraine and Owen Patrick. Speaking off-the-record and on condition of complete confidentiality, "Rudy" the red-nosed Bullock had this to say:

"It's just too damn cold in the North Pole. So about 15 years ago (or was it 14?) Santa decided to set up shop in Minnesota. Mrs. Claus's friends and family are all in the NP and she just didn't want to go. To be honest, Santa can be kind of demanding and she was tired of all those elves and Santa's infrequent return visits were okay with her. "

When asked the reason behind the recent move from the Minnesota, Rudy noted:

"It's just too damn cold there, too!"

A "No Comment" was issued upon questions regarding Santa's copious use of sunscreen and mosquito repellant, his plans to pay all Elves in Indian Rupees, the obvious age difference between him and his young wife and his appearance sans Santa Suit at a Christmas Party early last evening.
Ima Crazy One
International Investigative Reporter on assignment in Bangalore, Karnataka, India

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