Tuesday, January 12, 2010

To Blog or Not to Blog...That is the Adventure!

So, I've been thinking about the blog lately. Wondering if I should officially declare it dead. Here it sits, on it's own little piece of internet real estate. Looking a little neglected and shabby...

Honestly, though, I love this blog. I loved writing about our move to India and our life there and I love that all of that is captured for us. Not just a private journal, but a public celebration of our family.

When I first fired my "pen" up in the blogosphere (wow, there's a word that emphatically did NOT exist when I was...say, 10 (not to mention, 25!) ) I wasn't all that convinced that blogs were such a good thing. Kind of self-serving. Sort of obnoxious. But I figured that since we were moving to India...I might have some interesting things to say that I wouldn't here. And it was a great way to keep people who loved us up to date with our adjustment to life in a foreign culture. All of that proved true. I wasn't thinking of it as writing practice but that turned out to be the case as well... It helped my writing to get it off of the hidden or absent page and set free on the internet. I've been a writer pretty much since I could hold a pencil because that is the way I quantify the world... I wrote daily for years and years. Journaling. Poetry. Fiction. Loads of it crap, but my version of it, at least. And then I had kids.

I have always wanted to be one of those people that claim a swell of creative impulse birthed forth along with said babies. Except I can't. A large part of that is probably because my births were unexpectedly traumatic, for me. And I was deeply sad, and deeply angry that this was so. Denying the existence of those emotions was an occupying force in my life for a time and denial is a sure fire way to repress your creative impulse in a very direct way. Good writing is truthful writing and writing truthfully wasn't an option for me, at that time. Channeling that denial into healing happened over time and it changed the trajectory of my life but it also got me out of the writing habit.

Additionally, what creativity I did have was poured into my children and my parenting. I did not feel inspired to write on little sleep and more coffee! Add birth advocacy, starting midwifery school and working a part-time job into the mix...and in my case, you have a writer who doesn't write.

Moving to and living in India rekindled my creativity in a big way. Growing kids with new needs rekindled my creativity. Jumping into Homeschooling rekindled my creativity. And blogging about all of that put the pen back in my hand. At the same time, I started to actually read Blogs and found a pleasureable fascination in reading them. I discovered that while they could certainly be self-involved they were also often intelligent, honest, compelling and funny (a guideline I often use in reading books, as well). And as a parent, it felt a bit like having the chance to peer into the real lives of other parents...a truthful conversation about parenting and living that didn't always happen "IRL".

Upon moving back from India, life got hard. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and eventually died on October 18th, 2009. I needed to focus on my family and our transition and I needed to do so privately. So, I let the blog go and it was the right thing for me to do. I also struggled with where to take it...we were back. What was there to write about? No more exotic travels. No more dissing of dysentery. Just us. In the places we were raised. No Adventure.

I've changed my mind about that, too. What I have here is my own little corner of the internet. I can spout off into the ether and it may reach no one. I can write badly or very well and it doesn't really matter. Somehow, I feel less compelled to perfection here. I do it because I like to. Because our lives may reflect someone else's experience or Not. Because I'm redefining my understanding of Adventure...

I was delighted to read this the other day in Yoga Journal, in an article written by Matt Walker, "Adventure isn't something that's reserved for the extreme athlete or the daredevil. It is an expression of of your heart's intention and passion for life. It's the ability to think big about who you are, how you live, and what you can do in the world, whether you're climbing mountains, practicing Sun Salutations, or listening to a friend. It is the willingness to embrace challenge and move toward success. it is the acknowledgment that total committment does not mean blind faith or brazen disregard, but confidence and belief in the face of challenge." I couldn't have said it better, myself.

The Fischers
Embracing the Adventure...
in Minneapolis, MN

1 comment:

I am Allison said...

Keep 'em coming, Chandra.